Dear people who actually read this blog,
I'm sorry. I truly am. I have not meant to ignore you for so long. I've just had a lot going on. There was a health scare, I'm babysitting all the time for this huge nightmare of a 2 year old...
...and I'm bullshitting you. To be honest, I got a tumblr, and it has pretty much sucked my life away from any other productive thing in my life. You know how it goes.
I have some interesting posts lined up that are too long for my tumblr, I swear.
I love you. And I'm sorry again.
Love, Zoe
Dear Darth Vader alarm clock,
I know you were only $10...but I expected so much more from you.
Your clock radio has no visible screen so I can see what station I'm on...so that's just stupid.
And something is wrong with your internal timer because you are always falling behind my normal clock so I have to turn you forward ever day or so. Being a clock is your main function. Please start getting your head in the game.
Love, Zoe
Dear fat-ass cat on top of my feet,
I know you are comfortable, but I need to pee. Please move.
Love, Zoe
P.s. Get a kitty treadmill before you get kitty diabetes. I'm just looking out for ya.
Dear loud random thump in the middle of the night,
Please stop doing that. My anxiety cannot take this anymore.
Love, Zoe
Dear chocolate pie in my fridge,
You rock, don't ever change.
Love, Zoe
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Ambien Blogging: Worst Idea EVER:: IT'S COMING CLOSEEEEEEEER
I turned on my computer this morning to see that my blog was up. Curious, seeing as how I didn't remember posting anything. Then I began reading.
My doctor put me on Ambien a few weeks ago to try to combat the night crazies that I have. Turns out Ambien makes me even more crazy, but in a more hilarious-and-I-don't-remember-a-thing kind of way.
I've had conversations with my sister that I don't remember at all, but were apparently interesting. Like my idea for the best game show ever, which is a contest between a lion and bear to see who can eat people the fastest. But don't worry, the people would me made of gummies.
Or the time I called my sister into my room because the beaver dams in my bed were being too loud.
Or the text I sent my friend about how my bed had turned into a condo and I didn't know where I was.
Anywho, here is the entry I wrote while tripping hardcore. I'm going to help translate my Ambien ramblings if you can't understand me.
SO today i had the brilliant idaw ti wtire a short entry about all that happens wbhil i'm......tripppin
i have to old one eye closed cause other wise theres overlapping shit....and the keys on the keyboard hace a lot to keys tooo.
(So today I had the brilliant idea to write a short entry about all that happens while I'm.....tripping. I have to hold one eye closed cause otherwise there's overlapping shit...and the keys on the keyboard have a lot of keys.)
-Solid start. But then it gets weird. I go from basic info...to strange.-
oh so hgere we go:
this is my story of why I can't sleep tonight.
Fitst off there are tiny cratures everytwher. they are totally dpenedednt on me for everything. lift this building., go do thism, blah blah. i mean i do it cause i'm good, byut whatever
(Oh so here we go: This is my story of why I can't sleep tonight [no typos!] First off, there are tiny creatures everywhere. They are totally dependent on me for everything. Lift this building. Go do this, blah blah. I mean I do it because I'm good, but whatever)
then shit got candyland with chocolate lavaa abd u couodn't breathge or nothin, so i'm swimmin and swimmin then I break free at a lobster festval, and they're like, perfect, lobsters and chocolate. then they all come aftyer me abd I'm like wtf.
(Then shit got candyland with chocolate lava and I couldn't breathe or nothing, so I'm swimming and swimming then I break free at a lobster festival, and they're like, 'perfect, lobsters and chocolate'. Then they all come after me and I'm like wtf?)
-Shit got candyland?-
----- (by the way, these ---'s where here already.)
Oh I fell out of bed.. there was a mog and they were mad about hammers and oil so I fell of the edgr but my mommmy came and picked me up and now w'ere all gine.
(Oh I fell out of bed. There was a mog and they were mad about hammers and oil so I fell off the edge but my mom came and picked me up and now we're all fine)
-"I'm a mog. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend."-
----
why weight keeps leaing to the left. whyyyy can't i walk without going lefft?
Also everythign is twice. that keys so irritating.
(My weight keeps leaning to the left. Why can't I walk without going left? Also everything is twice. The keys are so irritating.)
-What, so I can type irritating but not simple words like "the"?. And yes, double vision and no balance happened.-
Oh oh oh when if we made a wold ful,l iof helpful giants. hey's help us build shit and be fun at parties. just like in The Iron GiANNT
That movuie always makes me want to cry tears until all my fluids is gone so I have to cry piss.
(Oh oh oh what if we made a world full of helpful giants. They'd help us build shit and be fun at parties. Just like in The Iron Giant. That movie always makes me want to cry tears until all my fluids are gone so I have to cry piss.)
-What about crying piss? Also helpful giants would be fun at parties.-
OOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH
I acidentally posted too soon/. hehehehehehee
(Ooooh, I accidentally posted too soon. Hehe.)
-Oh no. That would be terrible if this ended too soon.-
My legs are jelly. Hey look ove here at jelly leggs mcgee! it's a new dance form.
(My legs are jelly. Hey look over here at Jelly Legs McGee. It's a new dance form.)
-EVERYBODY'S DOING IT!-
I think I lost my child in the war agtainst the gummie worm king. terrible war trhat was/ I shoudl go back and tey to sace me. He is alice. also the sun is so hnot so the troops may be melted..
(I think I lost my child in the war against the Gummie Worm King. Terrible war that was. I should go back and [say to face me?] [try to face me?]. He is Alice. Also the sun is so hot so the troops may be melted...)
-Valid point.-
------
I am aliver..all is good. i had to build a condo for a friend because he wanted one, so i did
(I am [Oliver?] [alright?]. All is good. I had to build a condo for a friend because he wanted one so I did.)
-I sure am obsessed with gummies and condos on Ambien.-
they're wathicn gme everywhere. i made it to the other side of town, hiding with the statue of Chandler Bing.
The fairies know where were are. good or bad
i want to go to sleep. but i gert lost in the jumgle.]]
(They're watching me everywhere. I made it to the other side of town, hiding with the statue of Chandler Bing. The fairies know where we are. Good or bad. I want to go to sleep but I get lost in the jungle.)
-I have not seen an episode of Friends in a very very long time. Seriously.-
I'm gonna try.
-(Straightforward)-
YIPPIE KAI YEA MUTHAFYUCKERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
-And I went Die Hard there.-
Well. That's the end of my Ambien tripping blog post. I hope you enjoyed it.
I'm pretty sure I had fun writing it....but I honestly don't remember.
My doctor put me on Ambien a few weeks ago to try to combat the night crazies that I have. Turns out Ambien makes me even more crazy, but in a more hilarious-and-I-don't-remember-a-thing kind of way.
I've had conversations with my sister that I don't remember at all, but were apparently interesting. Like my idea for the best game show ever, which is a contest between a lion and bear to see who can eat people the fastest. But don't worry, the people would me made of gummies.
Or the time I called my sister into my room because the beaver dams in my bed were being too loud.
Or the text I sent my friend about how my bed had turned into a condo and I didn't know where I was.
Anywho, here is the entry I wrote while tripping hardcore. I'm going to help translate my Ambien ramblings if you can't understand me.
SO today i had the brilliant idaw ti wtire a short entry about all that happens wbhil i'm......tripppin
i have to old one eye closed cause other wise theres overlapping shit....and the keys on the keyboard hace a lot to keys tooo.
(So today I had the brilliant idea to write a short entry about all that happens while I'm.....tripping. I have to hold one eye closed cause otherwise there's overlapping shit...and the keys on the keyboard have a lot of keys.)
-Solid start. But then it gets weird. I go from basic info...to strange.-
oh so hgere we go:
this is my story of why I can't sleep tonight.
Fitst off there are tiny cratures everytwher. they are totally dpenedednt on me for everything. lift this building., go do thism, blah blah. i mean i do it cause i'm good, byut whatever
(Oh so here we go: This is my story of why I can't sleep tonight [no typos!] First off, there are tiny creatures everywhere. They are totally dependent on me for everything. Lift this building. Go do this, blah blah. I mean I do it because I'm good, but whatever)
then shit got candyland with chocolate lavaa abd u couodn't breathge or nothin, so i'm swimmin and swimmin then I break free at a lobster festval, and they're like, perfect, lobsters and chocolate. then they all come aftyer me abd I'm like wtf.
(Then shit got candyland with chocolate lava and I couldn't breathe or nothing, so I'm swimming and swimming then I break free at a lobster festival, and they're like, 'perfect, lobsters and chocolate'. Then they all come after me and I'm like wtf?)
-Shit got candyland?-
----- (by the way, these ---'s where here already.)
Oh I fell out of bed.. there was a mog and they were mad about hammers and oil so I fell of the edgr but my mommmy came and picked me up and now w'ere all gine.
(Oh I fell out of bed. There was a mog and they were mad about hammers and oil so I fell off the edge but my mom came and picked me up and now we're all fine)
-"I'm a mog. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend."-
----
why weight keeps leaing to the left. whyyyy can't i walk without going lefft?
Also everythign is twice. that keys so irritating.
(My weight keeps leaning to the left. Why can't I walk without going left? Also everything is twice. The keys are so irritating.)
-What, so I can type irritating but not simple words like "the"?. And yes, double vision and no balance happened.-
Oh oh oh when if we made a wold ful,l iof helpful giants. hey's help us build shit and be fun at parties. just like in The Iron GiANNT
That movuie always makes me want to cry tears until all my fluids is gone so I have to cry piss.
(Oh oh oh what if we made a world full of helpful giants. They'd help us build shit and be fun at parties. Just like in The Iron Giant. That movie always makes me want to cry tears until all my fluids are gone so I have to cry piss.)
-What about crying piss? Also helpful giants would be fun at parties.-
OOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH
I acidentally posted too soon/. hehehehehehee
(Ooooh, I accidentally posted too soon. Hehe.)
-Oh no. That would be terrible if this ended too soon.-
My legs are jelly. Hey look ove here at jelly leggs mcgee! it's a new dance form.
(My legs are jelly. Hey look over here at Jelly Legs McGee. It's a new dance form.)
-EVERYBODY'S DOING IT!-
I think I lost my child in the war agtainst the gummie worm king. terrible war trhat was/ I shoudl go back and tey to sace me. He is alice. also the sun is so hnot so the troops may be melted..
(I think I lost my child in the war against the Gummie Worm King. Terrible war that was. I should go back and [say to face me?] [try to face me?]. He is Alice. Also the sun is so hot so the troops may be melted...)
-Valid point.-
------
I am aliver..all is good. i had to build a condo for a friend because he wanted one, so i did
(I am [Oliver?] [alright?]. All is good. I had to build a condo for a friend because he wanted one so I did.)
-I sure am obsessed with gummies and condos on Ambien.-
they're wathicn gme everywhere. i made it to the other side of town, hiding with the statue of Chandler Bing.
The fairies know where were are. good or bad
i want to go to sleep. but i gert lost in the jumgle.]]
(They're watching me everywhere. I made it to the other side of town, hiding with the statue of Chandler Bing. The fairies know where we are. Good or bad. I want to go to sleep but I get lost in the jungle.)
-I have not seen an episode of Friends in a very very long time. Seriously.-
I'm gonna try.
-(Straightforward)-
YIPPIE KAI YEA MUTHAFYUCKERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
-And I went Die Hard there.-
Well. That's the end of my Ambien tripping blog post. I hope you enjoyed it.
I'm pretty sure I had fun writing it....but I honestly don't remember.
Friday, April 29, 2011
When there's something strange...
Okay. Something new today: VIDEO!
This has been happening sporadically the entire I've been in this room.
The person chuckling out of frame is my friend Rachel...not the ghost laughing at my misfortune.
My RA heard me talking and after I stopped the video she said it happened to her phone too. Maybe the ghost isn't just my phone, but all of 9th floor?
I mean, the ghost spilled juice on my bed last semester. THERE WASN'T EVEN ANY JUICE IN MY ROOM!
Not to mention when the ceiling fell on Rachel last year.
The hand dryer turns on randomly sometimes too.
So I ask this of you, my friends:
Who you gonna call?
This has been happening sporadically the entire I've been in this room.
The person chuckling out of frame is my friend Rachel...not the ghost laughing at my misfortune.
My RA heard me talking and after I stopped the video she said it happened to her phone too. Maybe the ghost isn't just my phone, but all of 9th floor?
I mean, the ghost spilled juice on my bed last semester. THERE WASN'T EVEN ANY JUICE IN MY ROOM!
Not to mention when the ceiling fell on Rachel last year.
The hand dryer turns on randomly sometimes too.
So I ask this of you, my friends:
Who you gonna call?
Friday, April 22, 2011
Random Moments with my Family (pt. 3)
My sister did later explain that she'd read a study that said that people with anxiety disorder find relief by masturbating.
Still one of the more uncomfortable conversations I've had with my sister...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Reason I Know I've Lost My Mind #7
I'm sitting in my dorm, innocently studying for my early 20th century art history quiz tomorrow, which consists of memorizing the name, dated, artist and medium of 10 pieces of art, 5 of which will be chosen at random and I will be quizzed on.
Now, I hate memorization. I mean I HATE it.
My short-term memory loss makes it really hard for me to remember normal everyday things.
You know those times when you walk up the stairs and when you get to the top and you don't remember why? Yeah, that's EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF MY LIFE. My train of thought jumps the tracks and takes me to bum-fuck nowhere in 3 seconds flat, and all I can do is look around and say "HOLY SHIT, AM I ON A TRAIN!?"
Yeah.
So having to force myself to remember stuff, especially stuff that I care NOTHING about really sucks.
My method usually involves me sitting at my desk wearing my noise-canceling headphones (but with no music, as they are merely meant to muffle outside distractions) and me muttering names over and over again.
(ps, don't google this artist and picture if you're pudeish. I'm an art student...nudity comes with the major, so it doesn't bother me, but some people are offended by nude art.)
My studying goes something like this.
Modigliani
Modigliani
Modigliani
Modigliani
Modigliani
Modigliani
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Modigliani, Reclining Nude
Modigliani, Reclining Nude
Modigliani, Reclining Nude
Modigliani, Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
1917
1917
1917
1917
1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Reclining Nude, 1917
Reclining Nude, 1917
Reclining Nude, 1917
Reclining Nude, 1917
Oil on canvas
Oil on canvas
Oil on canvas
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917, Oil on canvas
Repeat 4 times.
Because saying it out loud works better for me, I naturally can't do this in the library or other public places because, well, I'm a really weird looking chick staring at some paper and muttering the same repeating words over and over again.
It freaks people out a little bit.
BUT
This wasn't the 7th reason that I know I've lost my mind.
This was a very very long intro.
Thanks for sticking with me.
No, Reason I Know I've Lost My Mind #7 is because in the middle of studying Utrillo, Church at St.-Hillaire, 1911, oil on cardboard, I started belting out Hello Mother, Hello Father.
"oh," you may think, "that's not so crazy."
Not so. Because it wasn't the normal Hello Mother, Hello Father. It was the version done in a dog commercial a few years back.
Yep. All of a sudden, without warning, my mind abandoned ship for an anti-flea jingle.
Here. See for yourself.
It's adorable, and catchy, and the Reason I Know I've Lost My Mind #7.
Now, I hate memorization. I mean I HATE it.
My short-term memory loss makes it really hard for me to remember normal everyday things.
You know those times when you walk up the stairs and when you get to the top and you don't remember why? Yeah, that's EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF MY LIFE. My train of thought jumps the tracks and takes me to bum-fuck nowhere in 3 seconds flat, and all I can do is look around and say "HOLY SHIT, AM I ON A TRAIN!?"
Yeah.
So having to force myself to remember stuff, especially stuff that I care NOTHING about really sucks.
My method usually involves me sitting at my desk wearing my noise-canceling headphones (but with no music, as they are merely meant to muffle outside distractions) and me muttering names over and over again.
(ps, don't google this artist and picture if you're pudeish. I'm an art student...nudity comes with the major, so it doesn't bother me, but some people are offended by nude art.)
My studying goes something like this.
Modigliani
Modigliani
Modigliani
Modigliani
Modigliani
Modigliani
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Modigliani, Reclining Nude
Modigliani, Reclining Nude
Modigliani, Reclining Nude
Modigliani, Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
Reclining Nude
1917
1917
1917
1917
1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Reclining Nude, 1917
Reclining Nude, 1917
Reclining Nude, 1917
Reclining Nude, 1917
Oil on canvas
Oil on canvas
Oil on canvas
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917
Modigliani, Reclining Nude, 1917, Oil on canvas
Repeat 4 times.
Because saying it out loud works better for me, I naturally can't do this in the library or other public places because, well, I'm a really weird looking chick staring at some paper and muttering the same repeating words over and over again.
It freaks people out a little bit.
BUT
This wasn't the 7th reason that I know I've lost my mind.
This was a very very long intro.
Thanks for sticking with me.
No, Reason I Know I've Lost My Mind #7 is because in the middle of studying Utrillo, Church at St.-Hillaire, 1911, oil on cardboard, I started belting out Hello Mother, Hello Father.
"oh," you may think, "that's not so crazy."
Not so. Because it wasn't the normal Hello Mother, Hello Father. It was the version done in a dog commercial a few years back.
Yep. All of a sudden, without warning, my mind abandoned ship for an anti-flea jingle.
Here. See for yourself.
It's adorable, and catchy, and the Reason I Know I've Lost My Mind #7.
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